Am look like this when down or emo-ing bout hardtime-life. Geez!! Was damn blady crazy and not having any good proper nice thoughts about what and why had recently happens and just bla bla bla .. .. ... (p/s: sorry) well, was trying to say that am i damn easy to be fool as if in feelings till i could get this heavily sick (fever etc.?)? or should i say damn clever to make a fool by myself and just let other guy take advantage at me when im sick? basically i don't even know who am i anymore or even try to be myself neither in or out these days. Don't know what to do, what to say or what to eat either, for now is like hiding in a small hole from being exposed in outside world. I can't seem to think properly or clearly these days, all i can say is that im lost, yes, totally lost. (p/s: maybe some ppl who thinks this fake, wtv la!) -sigh- ... ...  

Shut It Down - PitBull ft. Akon

Hello sweetheart and hello to my brand new year !!

2010

Well, what can I say? There's left one day to go before my 18th birthday. Actually, I feel kinda lil sad and moody nowadays, I'm not sure myself why at every times I feel like this. Hey! OmG! BIG day is coming soon. Yet, she feels so bad. No one could tell why is she acting so strangely nowadays. Not even her closest family member, neither mum or sis. I guess this is what her LIFE suppose to be huh?, were only meant for her, the pathetic lifeless freak.. Ah well, today is the worst day.Of cause ler.. you see. Sometimes I don't really realise what I'm babbling about in here. But! in the mean time, I do know what I'm talking about and I've tried to express it all out in here by straight to the point. Frankly, I might not be a good blogger-writer, but at least I know that I could always try and keep on practising my language here too. Wait! Am I exaggerating? =.=" Oh Damn Jesus Christ's sake! I'm in tears, feeling hurt, sad, breaking down and tearing aparts every time I look at my dad's leg and wondered how would my family end up like? I can't handle all this by my own. I'm not strong enough to help him take care all. I just can't. I hate being like this, but what else can I do? To whom I would complain to? If I tell this to anyone, all I can say is that no one will ever believe what I say, neither do my boyfie? Would he believe all this crap? What about BFF's? Would they believe every single words I say? Would anyone listens? I don't think so. ='(

Besides that, no one could believe that this the path of journey that I've take in my life. No one could understands this meaningless human's feeling. Not even her own sister could understand why is her sister acting like strangely and feels depressed at all times, even her stepmum or her biomum could ever understands how she feels. To them, they could only just say they sayang me, but truthly to be frank, I don't feel any single love in them for me. This is just sucks. Right? I feel so lifeless. Maybe I think too much, or maybe been working tensely at firm recently and got myself crazy like hell. I don't wanna know. ='( Neither do my boyfie really loves me? I'm not sure whether I should doubt it or not. I'm confused with my own feelings either. But what can I do? I should be grateful to have a guy who loves me like this. His not like any other guy or maybe I'm wrong? He cares, he shares. =) I love him maybe cause that's mainly the type of guy that I've been waiting for. (I guess). But frankly, would he truly understands that this all is happening to his girlfriend? I'm sorry, but no comment on this. All of a sudden, I felt suffocated in breathing. Days and days passed, I still felt horrible, deeply sad and in pain. If only I could wish on my 18th birthday and just wish that none of all this crap would just vanish from my life itself and always appear happiness in my life so that everyone that I love would be happy as always and there will be no crying in sadness or angry in angerness, just a peacefull harmony. If Only, if only.

Till then.

Stay tuned. xoxo.

p/s :: I want to be happy on my birthday!!

Might going for a Karaoke @ MOS tonight.

Reb signing out.