22.10.2009

Hello again,

Well for today is just another normal day as usual =)

Ok, Lets just skip to the important topic of the day that is today. Lol!!

Well actually today i felt sd for almost the whole day. Haihz .. Dun feel wanna talk about sad things anymore. Its useless..

Okay, recall back what happens yeasterday is that yeah I've met a guy-friend whose named KenRee =) Cavie hahas.. And yeah me, KT, and Ken too were playing webcammiee.. Lol! that two fellar got crazy about that crazy stuff. I was like @@! Swt! Yesterday night was actually quite fun where theres this two fellar and bunch of my galfriends [clubbers] were enjoying webcammieee too! Lol! xDD Indeed it was quite de fun. xDD .. hmmm... so what about it yesterday was totally out of our mind. Haha ... and yeah I admit that I did flirt around cause of boringness. Swt! This might sound crazy because we talk about sex?!! WTF!! Believe it or not, depends!

And Ken did told me bout his stuff, KT does too, Jenny my babe, yeah she always as usual wan la.. sorry babe.. hehe =P .. Then while webcamiee, sudden a stupid cockroach fly to my keyboard. I was shock indeed and nearly fall but i didn't lor =P. Abuden! I memang geli with cockroach! Yuck! Damn crazy is that Ken ask me to fry that blady cockroach and eat it!! Ewwww man... I hates cockroach!!!!

Hmmm mmm .... -sigh-

Well yeah tomorrow im going 1-Utama with my friends after group-study at McDonald in Centrepoint, Fuck! Theres where I got my car into accident. Sad case man.. kesian my babycar.. =( Well actually I got no idea on what kinda topic wanna say. Im clueless... Gah! dun wanna continue this alrdy la.. Boh mood liao.!

Created a stupid-strange poem....

hmm.. take a look then?

There is no one like you,

Where there's no one else that can touch my heart like you do,

I could search for anyone for all eternity long,

But i couldn't find one but find there's no one like you.

Your mercy flows like a river wide,

Healing comes from your gentle hands,

Loves comes from your precious heart,

Safety are always there in your strong protective arms,

Finally there is no one that is like you.

Well, got to go.. more updates coming up! Ciaoz.. =)

crazy friend i ever met! Ken!!

hahas.. its fun talking to Ken the whole day.
Well can considered the whole day we spent time together.
Lol! this fellar betul betul gila..
haiz.. Damn bored la today..
Cause have to like sneak out to use my pc when parents not around.. haha noty gal.
you see what happen for today is that yeah EXAM!

Gah! next time baru cakap semua la! tired la today!!!

Hehe.. to be continued!

cannot update my blog jor =\

hmm .. well today probably the last day i blog because yea gotta do my exam revision..
what a busy .. busy .. busy day jor.. =)
so yeah gonna upload some piccas to put for fun nila..
hahas .. camwhoring for the last day at office =) .. yeah last day ady .. ngng =') sad sad...
well take a sneak peek at my pics.. ::

Lol?!! well maybe next time after SPM then only i'll come back with more updates alright..

and yeah so long by then .. blog in for more updates soon enough =) buhbye!! xDD

It's a sad world in the very first beginning but its always gotta do about MONEY! >.<"

Hmmmm .... For today is kinda like a sad-world to everyone in the beginning includes me..Uncle Bernard, which is my LAWYER BOSS, my stepmom [youngest], my sister JO, etc.. Well. actually it's suppose to be a happy day by then. But, since I fell sick last 3 days, and my fever still on haihh.. everything in office starting to change, and yes indeed its changing. At first, I was thinking why everyone starting to look sad-emo ...?! O.o" I was like wondering maybe is because of my health or something else haihh ... what a life? .. A total different life man .... >.<"

First thing is that yeah on the thought of my boss, Messrs Bernard Francis. Maybe he get upset or kinda down its because of, probably because of the case in Singapore. Probably his upset of that case its because he spent almost everything and also spent more effort in  it too. I mean a guy like mmy boss, truthfully he is one of a workaholic ever, his nice, caring but sometimes when he gets angry, you don't/can't see the fire burning in him, he will sudden "burst out" .. lOl ?! nvm ... =)

Mmmm ... talk about my dad.. Gosh~~ he is really damn pissed since last week, let just say that since he fell from the floor cause of slippery. MG! I mean although he knew my bio mom hates me alott, but still he dun give a damn and on that time too, he called home to ask that chinese stepmom of mine to come to office immediately. And yeah, the worst thing is ... he complains to her and also my bio mom by saying that me and my younger stepmom dun wanna jaga him anymore. WtF! When I heard everything he said to her, I was like @@! ...then damn! start tearings :'|  -sigh- I mean maybe those who really reads my blog, maybe its kinda hard to believe what im trying to say because maybe they are lucky than me? or its just something else larh.

Ok. I mean straight to the point, it is really calm to blog and also by blogging I can share almost of my stories especially when it comes to the part of my life. Damn! This is seriously a retarded blog ever man.. -sigh- Talk about dad again, he is indeed ........ A GREEDY OLD MAN!!  I mean realistically speaking, I also do know that money is an important thing in everybody's life and so do mine. Well but always have to remember that moderation is always the key to life and that is how a person should live or spent the money. But for my dad, he is seriously greedy in this topic. I mean, ok let's just consider a man who spends most of his times at outside fcuking other bitches and also trying to accumulate wealth. Maybe he also realises that others are also trying to do the same thing. But question is :: how does one grabs hold of what others desire too? if wealth, cannot be obtained by one way, other ways may be employed in any other way. And yeah! my dad! This man lies and cheat others to get what he wants. But however similarly others will cheat and also they might be also manipulating him too. Who knows this could happen, right? And the truth is, basically if this man's luck holds, he succeeds. Otherwise he falls, pcks himself up and tries again. The never ending game continues. Like what I heard from a old man, he says always live within your mean and the word "corruption is rife".. I mean why is he doing this all although he knew its haram but stills doing it especially starting up that crazy bussiness ever! [dun wanna mention it]... =skip= .... haihh

Like I said it before, there are full of drama, scene, hatres, love, etc.. I mean or I guess people whosoever are really lucky for not being in my position although they are not happy with their life, but still they have their loved ones who are always be there with them. haihh... All I can say is if I'm not a understanding person, I dun think I do really care about all this shit happening around me, but seriously it is truly a damn heavy burdento me now. I felt like dying rather than carrying this whole burden on my own. I really could not bear the burden anymore. I always ask myself why is this situation have to happen after Popo is gone forever. I knew this gonna happen after she past away and just left me her all alone. I mean the one and only I loved :'( the most among all is only my oldest grandmother. And now, she's gone from my world and I really miss her so much!! :'( I've expressed all out, but actually its not considered all yet. For now, I just revealed the half part of stories bout my life and yeah indeed it is really killing me slowly and slowly... .... And for me, I could say that I am really really really lucky to have a guy who really does understands, caring and spends most of his time with me even though he has much more to consider in his life. But he, always put me as his first priority in his life, and he always tells me that he really loves me, he really wanna share everything and always ask to be apart in my life. I mean it!! Sometimes, I feel ashamed of myself, maybe I was thinking too much till I really got depressed myself. But after all I do really loves him much more than my ex. He is one of a kind really. But in the end, bout my families life, is there any solution to get rid of all this shit!!

-sigh-

                  

To be continued ...

My happy-lovely Day =D

haha..

hmm.. well for now.. actually not much to say, its just that just a simple-dimple one.

hmm -sigh-..

been thinking.well yeah its true that it is definitely easy to always tells others not to worry, but is always a problem that less easy to take such advise for my own. Just for my own good. God. =X

and yeah eventually i din even sleep the whole day. I mean yeah almost 24/7 damn! panda! =D haha...hmm.. anyways yesterday morning @round 1 a.m. talking on the phone with my babe Mandy.. haha. i was freak out at the first place because we both involve almost in everything..and durh i admit that we do sometimes bump into the similar things..such as in relationships..haha.. and whatever problems we got, we always be "sharing-is-caring". Haha! I just simply love her man!Damn!.. and yeah yesterday she did told me bout hers and so do i. And she did ask for my opinion / suggestion on helping solving her MAJOR problem which is making a damn IMPORTANT decision ever that would, i say would probably change her life in the future. She is a understanding person to me. She always helps me solve my problem. I just felt that she is like a guardian friend that was given for me. Damn! How lucky am i weih.. Haha xD.. when im with her i do really feel easy and free.. unlike at home have to like always YEAH I MEAN ALWAYS obey to the rules. Well they have their own rules so do us.. hehe.. =P hmm.. haha Mandy was like damn 7 panic at that time when she called me and told me so. I was like yeah just say out the truth and tell her what to do. Damn! haha..but then Mandy also did told me that the guy confess to *** .. and she is having problem on either accept or rejects ***?!! haiz.. what a love life.. that guy is almost like my boy ICE [his nickname]. I mean durh he is a sweet-talker..every guy is if they want something in repay. =P but for Mandy, she is different. She don't want the guy to be hurt like her past. [not gonna mention] hehe.. she is a truly strong girl that i've ever met in my life.Unlike some other friends of mine, once they have their "broke-up" season, they would [durh] probably express to me first and yeah i would just like give them some advice to say not to worry there are more better guys in world, u can man man find them, But of coz not the good ones la.

But thought of giving them an impression of calm and steadiness but inside of me, yeah indeed i knew much more better. Again and again my worries were for nothing. They just don't understands what i mean at all. Haiz.. this probably what they called the "the monkey generation in being relationships". xD not mention me la ok. =] Everything went smoothly in the beginning and I "sailed" through the whole thing without a hitch. Thought on the part of my life will be smooth and perfect, on this very first place, didn't knew that the starting part of my love life would be a hard one but yup with the advices from relatives, friends etc. I can handle my problems all by myself. Damn! look the way i talk is just like a grown-up Kid.. wtF! hahas. xDDwell for now is like most all the 365/24/7 hehe.. im almost being myself and yeah i memang myself.. Friends always tell me that dun ever try to be somebody or a wannabe because u'll get yourself hurt badly and that could spoil ur own imej babe.. I was like OH OKAY! haha.. love them!!

hmm..

so what about my love life...?!! I don't know what to say seriously. I just love him thats all.. He is my life and my world. He never tries to hurt me not even once. He loves me for who i am although im not ****** anymore. I love him so much till the end of the world. He is my world now and yeah all i wanna say that I will always love him for who he is. He wants me not because of my sexy features. He wants me because im kinda special to him [thats what he say].... Damn! Everyday and every night he would probably be calling to check on me. He even ask to hang out [haven yet] just to be with me. He is always by my side whenever im sick, he would yeah jaga me and comfort me just like a baby. He always be true to me although he know that whatever i say that could hurts him. But most of the time i care for his feelings and so do him.. Just love him so much. Being a part in my life, it isn't really that easy,the truth is that i can be very choosy sometimes although he already knew that. And he did promise that he will always love me no matter what. To me, being in a relationships isn't about how the guy's figure are, is what the guy thinks about you and the reason why he wants to be with you, but mostly look deep in his heart, tries to understands him more and by that maybe u can see whether he is sincere or something else. That is all up to you.

All i can say is being a girl ain't easy, because YOU are the one who bears the pain forever when ur being dumped by your boyfriend like a TONG SAMPAH/RUBBISH! Oh well.. just could say some guys althought they are better-looking or hot, they ARE not worth it. Cause once they already got ur pussy, then after that they just dumped you aside and starting treating you like as your not "anyone" to him. FcUk! -skip-

At last, I Love You Ice!...xDD

To be continued..if im free =P

what a life.. =\ ...... :'(

hi =]...

well for today is not much special or interesting, just feel a lil guilty bout dad fell down.. and sprank his ankle..but his kinda fine now stayin vit my chinese 3rd stepmum at PJ SS17 and yea the whole day @ dad office probably doing nothing unless camwhore at storeroom hahas.. sitting infront of my computer and fb-ing and also just listening songs.. thats what i do..

mmm.. [sigh].. probably some are just thinking that yeah maybe im blogging just because of too free of making up stories..[thats not true]well its reality for REAL!.. and yeah maybe i say maybe few does believes that my life is like that or they truly believe with what had really happen in my life.Not to say to be harsh or rude but yup this is truly the facts of my life. Well, all i wanna say is that for those who reads my blog or anything, i just hope that ?!! yeah... believe it or not it is their/ bloggers choice. =X

....sigh....

The point is that am i always suppose to be torn-apart like a breaking glass and be left in a corner crying and all-time-emo like a .....?!! Damn!! This kinda thing is just ain't right for me. And yeah if only the people have choices to choose, what would the first one i'd choose..?!! I'll choose to have a happy and live life to the fullest and maybe that could just relieve my stress out of my fcuking mind. So yeah..did took my friend advice to create a blog and start blogging. Well, what they say was quite true.Sometimes blogging just to release the heavy burden, release stress and lotz of mind-thinking. And what a good idea to blog anyway although i used to ask why is people always likes to blog so much.. and for now i do really understands the reason why. For sure, I could just express everything to stay away from getting heavy burden all alone. I'd always have a question in my mind... askin Why am i always hated by the one I sayang (My Family....) hmmm.. :'( its just that no one or somehow it just be answered.. and its like gonna be a question that would never be answered FOREVER!!.Urghh!!haiz... :'( damn tears!! ahh.. just wanna forget about it.. =skip= FcUk! sudden felt heart full-filled with hatres now and damn pissed! When it comes to sad part of my life. DAmn! Damn! Damn!hmm....damn! :'( im drowning now in my own tears.SHIT!:'(

... ... When a person have nothing to strive for, is life worth living for? ... ... :'(

To be continued .....

t0t@lLy 0uT 0f mInD =b

haiz... I hate being like this...!!
sick of this shit !!
dun feel talking to anyone ... everyone!!
well ... who seems to care so much ... NO ONE!!
dun wanna noe.. dun wanna care.. just study study study....... sWtZZ..!!
fuck it! Fuck fcuk fcuk!!...
now i realise that smth is definitely different in me !!
urghhh :'( fuck it stupid blady macauhai!! =X
fcuK !! haiya.. tired fucking jor ?!! LOL.. xDD

but then when study all the time it also just wont get inside my head de..
i mean hey! who cares alot bout me .. myself dun even feel wanna take care myself jor la..
dam! and yea.. well these days really boh study for like 5 days ady lu.. cuz every nite have to teman this guy which his name is ... [dun wanna say it out] =P and [admit this guy is really a sweet-talker] but plz dun think of that, imma gonna fall for it again.. NEVER!! its a totally NO way man!!
every day and every nite @ 12.. 1.. 2.. or till next morning also we are still hanging on the phone..
he would probably always say hi rebecca are you ok.?! if not he would be saying baby i miss you so much..
hmmph.. o.O" and then just bla.. bla.. bla... =X hahas..
well.. i was thinking this guy would probably desperate for a gf thats all.. but on the second thought...
he is actually hurt and needs sumone to talk to and yea he choose me.. wth... swtZ...
and yea his story is quite a sad case.. haiz.. kesian him.. when he told me bout his model gf..
and then lastly break.. -skip- hehe.. wtf! but among all the guys no matter clubbers.. gays... hehe..
yea he is totally different.. he is a guy which love me for my heart unlike other guys just desperate for my bod
so yea like i said.. this kind of monkey relationship for me its totally wan yuen.. habis liao..
but this fellar is really TOO desperate for me.. he ady gila over me..
shiT!!! what shud i do leh..?!!! finish relationship.. then lastly in the breaking-up season.. =\
sad case.. hmm.. but this fellar been so long since v met.. now only dare to confess his love to me.. wth!
yea i admit we do met b4.. but its just kinda like awhile at M.O.S vit bunch of clubbers frens.. so what BD?!!
stills there are nothing special inside of me right..?>!! LoL !! XDD im just being blurry all the time when we both were chattin all alone.. urGhH!! dun wanna noe larh!! sien bout that dy lor!! so just knock it off that piece of crap!!
well.. dun feel writing nomore.. sumtimes feel got mood.. only i would blog..
but yea these days dam 7 busy accompanying that fellar.. but yea admits his kinda cute too hehe.. =X
%@#$

sweet pics... xD

yup.. me drivin to frens house... xD

haiz.. no mood to write larh... maybe next time first la... =] ciaoz..

what a day..

swt.. well today is another day..

and each day brings a whole new day.. indeed.. ah.. yea right.. whole new day.. SUX my sockx man..

grhh... dunno what exact topic im gonna say .... too many to list out actually..

ya ya ya.. i do noe that my english is kinda sux.. but at least do "composition""essay" is kinda like practical thing to do right...

hmmph...=]

well.. today havin my bm n bi both paper 1.. yea indeed i did alot of essay crap in it too! Lol.. wtf!..

its seems kinda tyring day.. hahas.. recall back what happen @ school just now is totally [dunno what to say]..and yea.. M's burfday is cumin up.. im still trying to persuade my dad so that he can let me go to M's hse and cele8.. haiz.. but after doing that.. -skip- ...

hahas... well.. at school.. well ... when i was doing my essay-writing..sudden i heard this malay guy[khairul] was praying and kept saying[asta..smth].. hmmph.. i do know that some ppl do pray hard for their exam to be A-OK .. just imagine if that guy really lulus.. he vil like just jump up and down.. swt.. and yea.. he did ask me some question but we are not [tiru] kay.. just ask for meaning.. and then finish hao jor.. past up..

and yea worst thing is that i haven even finish my bm paper yet.. Grrhh!!..wat a F paper.. they only give us like 1 1/2 hours nia.. shisshh!!.. >.<".. hates it.. dunno cumin out the real wan is dim yong.. think i'll be died meat by then.. arghh!! wat a lifeless freak i am.. but these days i realise something is totally different in me.. is that i dun talk so much nowadays... im like totally in silence mood... but not today cuz yup i got cakap abit la.. but not that much jor.. dunno why..??!! haiz.. sometimes all i feel is that why everyone is changing..??that is what makes me curious .. or am i the one who thinks alot and maybe im the one who changes alot..?? im really speechless in this matter.. there's nothing i could say..freak.. emo gothic bitch!!..=[

well.. M's day is cumin soon.. what am i gonna give her..? dun even noe what she likes.. all i noe is that she likes pink.. pinky lil thingy..?? swt...

hmmph.. this kinda life has to keep move on ... my friends always tell me that "girl once you fall,get back up and keep move onn".. i can still rmb her face when she look at me and say those words.. it is so touching till i cry.. but yea.. let me say smth.. being a girl is not easy too.. cuz once ur in a relationship..u fall..u cried..and hoping someone there is always besides you is only ur friends that cares..for you.. unlike the guys.. they only likes to chui sui.. [Zomg!!plz dun say me okay!!] they always say the sweetest words to make u feel special...OMG!!! cut it out!! this all is just BULLSHITS!!.. well im a girl.. so what..? can't a girl do things like guys do..? yea i noe not to say in ***.. that piece of shit!!.. but its the truth.. girls actually can do whatsoever guys can do except that F* thingy.. so what.. to me.. guys is always be guys.. they dun change unless they are totally different... [I SAY "IF"].. lolz.. what a life man..

anyways.. my baby boy[myfriend]from Melbourne is cumin back to town.. rawkin vit me in da house.. hahas.. i missess him too much.. maybe someday i'll introduce him to M.. maybe she would like it.. hahas..maybe la.. just say nia.. later if she sees this.. she's gonna screw me 99.. hahas.. well.. i've been missing him for like 3 years man.. wtf! haha.. ... see what we can do when his back... maybe clubbin again as usual.. he drive.. im passenger.. haha... hmmph.. think that's all for today.. tyring of typing jor.. wanna study.. tmr sc paper 1 & 2.. haihz.. must score this time.. ah well... gotta run.. maybe next time i'll try to put something a lil bit interest stuff in it.. ciaoz..xD

what is happening in me.?? o.O"

Yup.. today is a god-damn-stress dayz cuz havin "exam fever" will get me lose of controlling mind..

haizz... day after day.. thought each day neither in school, work, out-going places

is always gonna be A-OK .. but not precisely exactly the truth =( hmmph..

so what exactly is about it today is yea ....>

Firstly, i was actually happy vit ma bunch of ma gang which is Mandy, Leng, Mag, U-Whye and Yik Chen..

well yea i am.. .. .. maybe thought of myself was happy. I kept laugh and laugh like a clown cuz Mandy n "Mama" were bz making jokes .. ...especially YC who always talks about her hunny bunny "YP".. LOL.. im damn freak out that it's been a longest year since me n YC were best friends and now finally i noe that YC is a "les" hehe... LOL.. maybe ..ah well...

--skip it--

the point is that am i always happy vit all my friends around.. ?! do they really understands what i feels..?! i guess the only best friends that understands me is only Mandy n yea Leng obviously... Joanne..Nicole..n yea Mag too.. haihz.. i know that i wasn't suppose to question this.. but yup telling out the truth is much better than telling lies .. swtZ.. guess that "counselling session" between me and Mandy really works it out in me.. haha.. thx Mandy.. i do really appreciated it much ... xD

:'( wuwwuwuuu .... .....

haihz.. that "massive" SPM is cumin and its memang around de corner.. no more clubbing to relieve stress..[hehe] no more chattin online [can but once awhile] no more hanging out vit friends jor..all i can do now is "dok shu" only..Grrh.. study is bored sial.. sien dy leh.. hates it!! Gah!! =O shiisshh..later study oso tak boleh masuk kepala punya memory de.. BODOH BABI SIAL!! haha..wow.. improving ma bm ady..[keke]

=( hmmph...

well.. still rmb what they say abt me.. ppl says i always bullshit around lidat .... and yea i admit i do ... but when M starting to advise on that -my behaviour n attitude- .. [that time i was @@ shock out] but yea i still accept what she says is totally true.. cuz of the "counselling session" was trully a "new light" for me.. hahas.. and yup she did told me too about "karma"..[when thing comes around it goes around]macam pergi balik lidat..?! =] but im still happy cuz M, L n others still accepts me for who i am and what i do. this is trully best friends that u really can't find..they are always there for me when im sad, emo, quiet, cry...etc. they are always ready to be my ear ... shoulder ...unlike others just ask stupid questions..[dun wanna say out] =P

haihzz....

guess thats only for today.. gotta go out and take some time to think..relaxx..

[dun think i can always update this blogs anymore too bz vit my schedule] ciaoz..

what to describe..?

hahas.. well seems like thrs nothing special to talk about tday..

ahh.. skip it man..

umm.. probably.. maybe its cuz of ma feeling tday..

im afraid to be sad actually...

but yea.. ppl says what comes around goes around..

but still i.. dun get it..

wtf.. what is actually goin on vit me..?

am i suppose be broken-hearted.. crying in a corner... like a kid..?

wtf..!!?? this is totally shit man..

and yea.. i do admit i've done smth wrong..

but lastly i stumbled and fall..

but still can't seem to let it go..

thought of being easy of letting it go..

NO way.. itu mmg tak boleh..

used to say i luv u every time i sees him..

meetin him.. havin dinner vit him.. jokes around vit him... wow.. that's a BANG!!

okayy.. but yea admit can't seem to forget all of that...

i dun want that moment to last...

i want to be all-loved.. inside.. outside..

but still yea..

his complexion.. although no one is ever perfect..

ppl say ur like this and lidat..

but ur not...??!!

but now im faded .. crash into pieces.. a glass that breaks once can't fix it twice..

guess no one is ever have a relationship like this..??!! not pretty sure of that..

but still yea.. got the help of ma best friends..

they are always there for me.. although anything happens to me..

they always be ma ear.. shoulder.. eyes.. and also counsellors..

they always been nice to me..

thought of having a miserable life like i used to..

being stupid.. drowning under my own tears..

that one boleh MATI!! say goodbye to c**k love life..

family and best friends are always the bestest gift in ur life that is always 4eva..

.............

.............

can't seem to write alot... :'(....... TO BE CONTINUED....

maggie....im really sorry....

maggie...
all i can do is just to leave u alone....
mag.....
to me...its like everythings start to dissapear..
dissappear into the background that started to silence......
sometimes i can't seem to bear in suffer and crying no more.....really too tired...
GOSH~~ ...sometimes i feel .... this isn't really like myself anymore... n i still wonders why..
n what happen to me...???!!...
its not that i hate you mag....
and this is the truth .... jz dun say everyone boleh cakap sajelah ..
when i was trying to explain on ytd nite... u jz dun give a dam at all.. n its feels so...dam!
seriously...been through all the hard times vit you before..
rmb when u used to cry all the times at sch.. i really felt that im ur friend...n im always there for u...and since on that day too.. we became close...real close...
haiz...for this time maybe u jz really nids time......i vil not bother u anymore...
serious...i do noe ur mad at me now...and yea i really do understands....
and i jz can't seem to do nth....im so sorry....
but i still dun get the point of the words from you...????
why do u say i hate you in the first place... i really dun get that... maybe its jz a misunderstanding..or maybe not ....
all i can say is this....

" i really wanna have a nice..happy life vit u guys.."
:_: and i dun wanna get involve in any monkey relationship no more...
T..T i do really wish that u'll forgive me once again...
all i want is jz wishing that this FRIENDSHIP moment will last forever....

i promise that i'll always be myself...
i promise that i'll always be true to u guys...
and yea...jz feel bad or sorry is not enuf for me to be back to u again...
yes i don understands ur feeling rite now...i noe u probably hurt or sad ...
but im wrong...and im really sorry for all stupid craps that i did..
im not blaming anyone...it is my fault.... and yes....maybe im jz a ..................
gosh~~..... T-T....and yes for everything that is happening now between u n me..
i noe to you its finally finish..yea..ok..i accept...
but im so so so so sorry for what i've done.....
all i nid now is just let the time do the work...
n yea...maybe u'll be better when the right time comes...maybe...
jz be happy...dun always sad maggie...
and FOREVER ..BEST FRIENDS...with wholehearted like u say...ok ....im so so so so sorry....mag..
yes ..maybe this is not the right time to talk to you...
but im sure ONE DAY u'll forgive me...and accept me back as ur best friends....
but all now is too late.....
i'll jz leave u alone....ok.....jz let u chill first....ok
im so so so sorry......it is really my fault this time...u can blame it on me....my wrong...
and yea....wat mandy says is also quite true...
maybe when im vit u guys...im not myself....like to drag ppl around...making stupid jokes..
i've screwed everything....i always mess things up....fix ady again messed up..
well.. mandy thx for ur advise....i do really appreciated it soooo much...
YES~~ i'll try my best to let things go....free them out...
be myself....always be truthfull....NO MATTERS WHAT.....
I STILL LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS~~
# MANDY
#MAGGIE
#LENG
#YIKCHEN
#U-WHYE
n yea.....others too....

all i can say is sorry for all stupid craps i've made...really...hope u'll forgive me....

i realise now...for not understanding myself...im sorry...

when the day you say "im sorry.. cuz of this word.. our relationship is end.. "..and u say ur sorry..
to me...for some reason it hurts..
Its like a magic spell that doesnt get undone.. its like a hint to bitterness..
sometimes felt like im totally stuck in between a friend and a lover when im vit u...
its like an unripe fruit dreaming about the day of harvest....
and i also felt being unable to just .. just move one more step forward...
maybe this is what causing all stupid crap attitude of mine...
and yes.. i do.. i do still rmb all of ur "sweet n gentle" conversations...GROSS!!
well...those words spark no interest in me anymore..
even when the things do not go the way i wanted...
but.. at least im not that kind of doll that u think i am...
but it doesnt mean i've thrown my life away...
and yea.. i did ask u "baby, whats wrong?".... and u replied me rudely..by saying...
"NOTHING LA.." ... "i don wan talk"...
and on that time, i knew there is smth wrong..
and all happen in sudden... the smile that always cheer up has begin to dissappears after hearing those words u've said....
and yea... for some reasons it really hurts....
Like i've said to u before..."i like you"... instead of " i love you".. din't i ..???
it doesnt sounds like me anymore....im totally changed...

and yes...starting the period when i suddenly rmb..the scent of sumbody that i luv had almost vanish...forgotten...
like old ppl says..." the white purity of the falling snow"...
couples...??! really want to be able to open and honestly cherish it ..???? crapz.....
i really dun wanna memorise all those sweet memories between u n me...
its really hurts a lotzz.... ur hug... ur sweet kiss... ur everything...

and on that limited time that we have.. i really do hope of spending time more jz to be vit you..
but in the end..gone.. everythings vanish.... but i realise things sometimes don go the way u want

i still can rmb the STUPIEST words that i always remind myself...
i wana be here eternally, to a place whr nobody cn find us...and all i can see u're all that i need...
OMG!! cut it off man!! ..

well... in the end of this dam crap stories....
i guess sometimes when im vit you..i think YOU are the person who likes to hide the truth behind a really good lie and hide our status from reality in a really really really dam great dreams of urs...!!!! eventhough we are that sort of couple...but u still dun seem to care AT ALL!! and thought of loving...OH~~SHIISHH!!! GV ME A BREAK!!...its no use~!!
and lastly u r the one who leave me vit the sry word of urs n all i can see is jz grey skies...kept raining all the time.....i really wanna stop all this crap la.... knowing it would be hard..
and YES~!! its really hard for me to let everything go....
ok FINE~!!!...i'll try all my best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i jz wanna have a happy life..vit my best friends...especially mandy..leng and also mag...

i do really want my normal life back...
plz .... dun wanna think no more..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FORGETS YOU!!!JAYZ BACK OFF!!!!!!

[sad][T_T]

i just wana say that ...

ur friendship ...

i do really tresure it much..

when the day u say u're sorry to me,n also cuz of this words..

our relationship has come to an end...and u're sorry.....

for some reasons, it hurts.....

it's like a magic spell that dosn't get undone...its direct to a hint of bitterness....

maybe this is life...life in a duo world.....

sometimes felt like im totally stuck in between a friend or a lover when im vit u...

it felts like an unripe fruit dreaming about the day of harvest....

and i felt being unable to just move one more step forward...

maybe.. maybe this is the one that kept cause this frustation on me....

and yes..i still rmb all of ur sweet n sour conversations...

well.. guess those words spark NO interest in me anymore...

even when the things do not go the way that I wanted..

but it doesn mean that i've thrown my life away..n jz to feel lifeless.. NO!

and lastly i did ask u "baby,wats worng..?!"and u replied to me "Nth la...".."I don wan talk"..

and also on that time..i knew there must be something wrong..

and all in a sudden the smile that always shown up has begin to dissapear after those words that came out from u....

and for some reasons..it really hurts me alotzz....cuz din even expect that u'll say lidat...

like u used to say to me before, "i luv u" instead of "i like u"....

well it don exactly sounds like u anymore.....

starting the period when i suddenly rmb..the scent of sumone that i luv had almost forgotten.....

like what old fairy tales always says..."the white purity of the falling snow vit ur luv ones"

I do really want to be able to openly and honestly cherish it..n its true..i didn't have the chance too

i still can feel ur hug...its feel like a future,tender and warmer than a diamond...F*** it!!

on that limited time v have..i do really hope of spending more time vit u..but i guess its USELESS

and i still can't seem to forget that i always tell myself..

i wana be here eternally..

to a place where no one can find us..and all i can see that u're all i need...but DAMN IT!!

well...i guess sometimes being in a relationship vit u, i think UR the person ok.......

who likes to hide the truth behind a really gud lies AND

who likes to hide it from reality in a really great dream......

eventhough v are that sort of couple..but u still dun seem to bother it at all....

and thought of loving