what a day..

swt.. well today is another day..

and each day brings a whole new day.. indeed.. ah.. yea right.. whole new day.. SUX my sockx man..

grhh... dunno what exact topic im gonna say .... too many to list out actually..

ya ya ya.. i do noe that my english is kinda sux.. but at least do "composition""essay" is kinda like practical thing to do right...

hmmph...=]

well.. today havin my bm n bi both paper 1.. yea indeed i did alot of essay crap in it too! Lol.. wtf!..

its seems kinda tyring day.. hahas.. recall back what happen @ school just now is totally [dunno what to say]..and yea.. M's burfday is cumin up.. im still trying to persuade my dad so that he can let me go to M's hse and cele8.. haiz.. but after doing that.. -skip- ...

hahas... well.. at school.. well ... when i was doing my essay-writing..sudden i heard this malay guy[khairul] was praying and kept saying[asta..smth].. hmmph.. i do know that some ppl do pray hard for their exam to be A-OK .. just imagine if that guy really lulus.. he vil like just jump up and down.. swt.. and yea.. he did ask me some question but we are not [tiru] kay.. just ask for meaning.. and then finish hao jor.. past up..

and yea worst thing is that i haven even finish my bm paper yet.. Grrhh!!..wat a F paper.. they only give us like 1 1/2 hours nia.. shisshh!!.. >.<".. hates it.. dunno cumin out the real wan is dim yong.. think i'll be died meat by then.. arghh!! wat a lifeless freak i am.. but these days i realise something is totally different in me.. is that i dun talk so much nowadays... im like totally in silence mood... but not today cuz yup i got cakap abit la.. but not that much jor.. dunno why..??!! haiz.. sometimes all i feel is that why everyone is changing..??that is what makes me curious .. or am i the one who thinks alot and maybe im the one who changes alot..?? im really speechless in this matter.. there's nothing i could say..freak.. emo gothic bitch!!..=[

well.. M's day is cumin soon.. what am i gonna give her..? dun even noe what she likes.. all i noe is that she likes pink.. pinky lil thingy..?? swt...

hmmph.. this kinda life has to keep move on ... my friends always tell me that "girl once you fall,get back up and keep move onn".. i can still rmb her face when she look at me and say those words.. it is so touching till i cry.. but yea.. let me say smth.. being a girl is not easy too.. cuz once ur in a relationship..u fall..u cried..and hoping someone there is always besides you is only ur friends that cares..for you.. unlike the guys.. they only likes to chui sui.. [Zomg!!plz dun say me okay!!] they always say the sweetest words to make u feel special...OMG!!! cut it out!! this all is just BULLSHITS!!.. well im a girl.. so what..? can't a girl do things like guys do..? yea i noe not to say in ***.. that piece of shit!!.. but its the truth.. girls actually can do whatsoever guys can do except that F* thingy.. so what.. to me.. guys is always be guys.. they dun change unless they are totally different... [I SAY "IF"].. lolz.. what a life man..

anyways.. my baby boy[myfriend]from Melbourne is cumin back to town.. rawkin vit me in da house.. hahas.. i missess him too much.. maybe someday i'll introduce him to M.. maybe she would like it.. hahas..maybe la.. just say nia.. later if she sees this.. she's gonna screw me 99.. hahas.. well.. i've been missing him for like 3 years man.. wtf! haha.. ... see what we can do when his back... maybe clubbin again as usual.. he drive.. im passenger.. haha... hmmph.. think that's all for today.. tyring of typing jor.. wanna study.. tmr sc paper 1 & 2.. haihz.. must score this time.. ah well... gotta run.. maybe next time i'll try to put something a lil bit interest stuff in it.. ciaoz..xD

what is happening in me.?? o.O"

Yup.. today is a god-damn-stress dayz cuz havin "exam fever" will get me lose of controlling mind..

haizz... day after day.. thought each day neither in school, work, out-going places

is always gonna be A-OK .. but not precisely exactly the truth =( hmmph..

so what exactly is about it today is yea ....>

Firstly, i was actually happy vit ma bunch of ma gang which is Mandy, Leng, Mag, U-Whye and Yik Chen..

well yea i am.. .. .. maybe thought of myself was happy. I kept laugh and laugh like a clown cuz Mandy n "Mama" were bz making jokes .. ...especially YC who always talks about her hunny bunny "YP".. LOL.. im damn freak out that it's been a longest year since me n YC were best friends and now finally i noe that YC is a "les" hehe... LOL.. maybe ..ah well...

--skip it--

the point is that am i always happy vit all my friends around.. ?! do they really understands what i feels..?! i guess the only best friends that understands me is only Mandy n yea Leng obviously... Joanne..Nicole..n yea Mag too.. haihz.. i know that i wasn't suppose to question this.. but yup telling out the truth is much better than telling lies .. swtZ.. guess that "counselling session" between me and Mandy really works it out in me.. haha.. thx Mandy.. i do really appreciated it much ... xD

:'( wuwwuwuuu .... .....

haihz.. that "massive" SPM is cumin and its memang around de corner.. no more clubbing to relieve stress..[hehe] no more chattin online [can but once awhile] no more hanging out vit friends jor..all i can do now is "dok shu" only..Grrh.. study is bored sial.. sien dy leh.. hates it!! Gah!! =O shiisshh..later study oso tak boleh masuk kepala punya memory de.. BODOH BABI SIAL!! haha..wow.. improving ma bm ady..[keke]

=( hmmph...

well.. still rmb what they say abt me.. ppl says i always bullshit around lidat .... and yea i admit i do ... but when M starting to advise on that -my behaviour n attitude- .. [that time i was @@ shock out] but yea i still accept what she says is totally true.. cuz of the "counselling session" was trully a "new light" for me.. hahas.. and yup she did told me too about "karma"..[when thing comes around it goes around]macam pergi balik lidat..?! =] but im still happy cuz M, L n others still accepts me for who i am and what i do. this is trully best friends that u really can't find..they are always there for me when im sad, emo, quiet, cry...etc. they are always ready to be my ear ... shoulder ...unlike others just ask stupid questions..[dun wanna say out] =P

haihzz....

guess thats only for today.. gotta go out and take some time to think..relaxx..

[dun think i can always update this blogs anymore too bz vit my schedule] ciaoz..

what to describe..?

hahas.. well seems like thrs nothing special to talk about tday..

ahh.. skip it man..

umm.. probably.. maybe its cuz of ma feeling tday..

im afraid to be sad actually...

but yea.. ppl says what comes around goes around..

but still i.. dun get it..

wtf.. what is actually goin on vit me..?

am i suppose be broken-hearted.. crying in a corner... like a kid..?

wtf..!!?? this is totally shit man..

and yea.. i do admit i've done smth wrong..

but lastly i stumbled and fall..

but still can't seem to let it go..

thought of being easy of letting it go..

NO way.. itu mmg tak boleh..

used to say i luv u every time i sees him..

meetin him.. havin dinner vit him.. jokes around vit him... wow.. that's a BANG!!

okayy.. but yea admit can't seem to forget all of that...

i dun want that moment to last...

i want to be all-loved.. inside.. outside..

but still yea..

his complexion.. although no one is ever perfect..

ppl say ur like this and lidat..

but ur not...??!!

but now im faded .. crash into pieces.. a glass that breaks once can't fix it twice..

guess no one is ever have a relationship like this..??!! not pretty sure of that..

but still yea.. got the help of ma best friends..

they are always there for me.. although anything happens to me..

they always be ma ear.. shoulder.. eyes.. and also counsellors..

they always been nice to me..

thought of having a miserable life like i used to..

being stupid.. drowning under my own tears..

that one boleh MATI!! say goodbye to c**k love life..

family and best friends are always the bestest gift in ur life that is always 4eva..

.............

.............

can't seem to write alot... :'(....... TO BE CONTINUED....

maggie....im really sorry....

maggie...
all i can do is just to leave u alone....
mag.....
to me...its like everythings start to dissapear..
dissappear into the background that started to silence......
sometimes i can't seem to bear in suffer and crying no more.....really too tired...
GOSH~~ ...sometimes i feel .... this isn't really like myself anymore... n i still wonders why..
n what happen to me...???!!...
its not that i hate you mag....
and this is the truth .... jz dun say everyone boleh cakap sajelah ..
when i was trying to explain on ytd nite... u jz dun give a dam at all.. n its feels so...dam!
seriously...been through all the hard times vit you before..
rmb when u used to cry all the times at sch.. i really felt that im ur friend...n im always there for u...and since on that day too.. we became close...real close...
haiz...for this time maybe u jz really nids time......i vil not bother u anymore...
serious...i do noe ur mad at me now...and yea i really do understands....
and i jz can't seem to do nth....im so sorry....
but i still dun get the point of the words from you...????
why do u say i hate you in the first place... i really dun get that... maybe its jz a misunderstanding..or maybe not ....
all i can say is this....

" i really wanna have a nice..happy life vit u guys.."
:_: and i dun wanna get involve in any monkey relationship no more...
T..T i do really wish that u'll forgive me once again...
all i want is jz wishing that this FRIENDSHIP moment will last forever....

i promise that i'll always be myself...
i promise that i'll always be true to u guys...
and yea...jz feel bad or sorry is not enuf for me to be back to u again...
yes i don understands ur feeling rite now...i noe u probably hurt or sad ...
but im wrong...and im really sorry for all stupid craps that i did..
im not blaming anyone...it is my fault.... and yes....maybe im jz a ..................
gosh~~..... T-T....and yes for everything that is happening now between u n me..
i noe to you its finally finish..yea..ok..i accept...
but im so so so so sorry for what i've done.....
all i nid now is just let the time do the work...
n yea...maybe u'll be better when the right time comes...maybe...
jz be happy...dun always sad maggie...
and FOREVER ..BEST FRIENDS...with wholehearted like u say...ok ....im so so so so sorry....mag..
yes ..maybe this is not the right time to talk to you...
but im sure ONE DAY u'll forgive me...and accept me back as ur best friends....
but all now is too late.....
i'll jz leave u alone....ok.....jz let u chill first....ok
im so so so sorry......it is really my fault this time...u can blame it on me....my wrong...
and yea....wat mandy says is also quite true...
maybe when im vit u guys...im not myself....like to drag ppl around...making stupid jokes..
i've screwed everything....i always mess things up....fix ady again messed up..
well.. mandy thx for ur advise....i do really appreciated it soooo much...
YES~~ i'll try my best to let things go....free them out...
be myself....always be truthfull....NO MATTERS WHAT.....
I STILL LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS~~
# MANDY
#MAGGIE
#LENG
#YIKCHEN
#U-WHYE
n yea.....others too....

all i can say is sorry for all stupid craps i've made...really...hope u'll forgive me....

i realise now...for not understanding myself...im sorry...

when the day you say "im sorry.. cuz of this word.. our relationship is end.. "..and u say ur sorry..
to me...for some reason it hurts..
Its like a magic spell that doesnt get undone.. its like a hint to bitterness..
sometimes felt like im totally stuck in between a friend and a lover when im vit u...
its like an unripe fruit dreaming about the day of harvest....
and i also felt being unable to just .. just move one more step forward...
maybe this is what causing all stupid crap attitude of mine...
and yes.. i do.. i do still rmb all of ur "sweet n gentle" conversations...GROSS!!
well...those words spark no interest in me anymore..
even when the things do not go the way i wanted...
but.. at least im not that kind of doll that u think i am...
but it doesnt mean i've thrown my life away...
and yea.. i did ask u "baby, whats wrong?".... and u replied me rudely..by saying...
"NOTHING LA.." ... "i don wan talk"...
and on that time, i knew there is smth wrong..
and all happen in sudden... the smile that always cheer up has begin to dissappears after hearing those words u've said....
and yea... for some reasons it really hurts....
Like i've said to u before..."i like you"... instead of " i love you".. din't i ..???
it doesnt sounds like me anymore....im totally changed...

and yes...starting the period when i suddenly rmb..the scent of sumbody that i luv had almost vanish...forgotten...
like old ppl says..." the white purity of the falling snow"...
couples...??! really want to be able to open and honestly cherish it ..???? crapz.....
i really dun wanna memorise all those sweet memories between u n me...
its really hurts a lotzz.... ur hug... ur sweet kiss... ur everything...

and on that limited time that we have.. i really do hope of spending time more jz to be vit you..
but in the end..gone.. everythings vanish.... but i realise things sometimes don go the way u want

i still can rmb the STUPIEST words that i always remind myself...
i wana be here eternally, to a place whr nobody cn find us...and all i can see u're all that i need...
OMG!! cut it off man!! ..

well... in the end of this dam crap stories....
i guess sometimes when im vit you..i think YOU are the person who likes to hide the truth behind a really good lie and hide our status from reality in a really really really dam great dreams of urs...!!!! eventhough we are that sort of couple...but u still dun seem to care AT ALL!! and thought of loving...OH~~SHIISHH!!! GV ME A BREAK!!...its no use~!!
and lastly u r the one who leave me vit the sry word of urs n all i can see is jz grey skies...kept raining all the time.....i really wanna stop all this crap la.... knowing it would be hard..
and YES~!! its really hard for me to let everything go....
ok FINE~!!!...i'll try all my best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i jz wanna have a happy life..vit my best friends...especially mandy..leng and also mag...

i do really want my normal life back...
plz .... dun wanna think no more..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FORGETS YOU!!!JAYZ BACK OFF!!!!!!

[sad][T_T]

i just wana say that ...

ur friendship ...

i do really tresure it much..

when the day u say u're sorry to me,n also cuz of this words..

our relationship has come to an end...and u're sorry.....

for some reasons, it hurts.....

it's like a magic spell that dosn't get undone...its direct to a hint of bitterness....

maybe this is life...life in a duo world.....

sometimes felt like im totally stuck in between a friend or a lover when im vit u...

it felts like an unripe fruit dreaming about the day of harvest....

and i felt being unable to just move one more step forward...

maybe.. maybe this is the one that kept cause this frustation on me....

and yes..i still rmb all of ur sweet n sour conversations...

well.. guess those words spark NO interest in me anymore...

even when the things do not go the way that I wanted..

but it doesn mean that i've thrown my life away..n jz to feel lifeless.. NO!

and lastly i did ask u "baby,wats worng..?!"and u replied to me "Nth la...".."I don wan talk"..

and also on that time..i knew there must be something wrong..

and all in a sudden the smile that always shown up has begin to dissapear after those words that came out from u....

and for some reasons..it really hurts me alotzz....cuz din even expect that u'll say lidat...

like u used to say to me before, "i luv u" instead of "i like u"....

well it don exactly sounds like u anymore.....

starting the period when i suddenly rmb..the scent of sumone that i luv had almost forgotten.....

like what old fairy tales always says..."the white purity of the falling snow vit ur luv ones"

I do really want to be able to openly and honestly cherish it..n its true..i didn't have the chance too

i still can feel ur hug...its feel like a future,tender and warmer than a diamond...F*** it!!

on that limited time v have..i do really hope of spending more time vit u..but i guess its USELESS

and i still can't seem to forget that i always tell myself..

i wana be here eternally..

to a place where no one can find us..and all i can see that u're all i need...but DAMN IT!!

well...i guess sometimes being in a relationship vit u, i think UR the person ok.......

who likes to hide the truth behind a really gud lies AND

who likes to hide it from reality in a really great dream......

eventhough v are that sort of couple..but u still dun seem to bother it at all....

and thought of loving

what a stupid mistakes i've ever made!! betul-betul bodoh la!!

These are the few things that made me regret being in relationship vit you......
at first.. u say u luv me...n also ur the one who pulled me up...
and now look @ what u did to me...jz letting me down in sorrow...
n the most saddest thing that happen to me is when looking @ u never did or bother to say u're glad that u've found me..and jz acting stupid like an a*****e there n kept telling me not to tell others that v r in a relationship....n u did also ask me not to love u so much....on the day when u chat vit me...u also tell me that i always bullshitting.... finally v break cuz u say im childish ....u jz let love down....and u let me down....i am so shock@@ when u say lidat...n u also called me jz to tell me that im childish...n askin me to stop bullshitting u... i was like what did i do man....im totally stunted there when u say lidat...

but didn't u realise that when im in problem...i nid u...n i din tell u so cuz i noe u'll still think that im still like to bullshits a lot.....n on that day too....when u wrote on ur msnname when i nid u,ur not around....then on that time too i was thinking the same thing.....but it's jz no use too....cuz its useless now...well...there's nothing much i can say ...its jz that u all always say im bullshit abouts this and that.....

for now i'll jz have to listen what my best friends say...
like what had maggie told me b4...life is memang easy come n easy go....
but finally i realise that in this world...nobody is perfect wan n so do i.....
it's jz that i wana say i regrets for all the words to make u special or cool......
omgosh~! plz plz plz forget about it.....now starts to erase all those "sweet" memories...
for those who read my blog....this is reality...like my best friends say....guys are useless...
girls dun get easily vit them....and for me..i jz gotta be STRONG~!!
and for those advise from mandy,leng n oso mag...
i really appreciated it so much....
like what leng says....true friends dunid no demands...jz sincerityn honesty ...
thats all i have to say....cuz in the end about all "monkeys luv"....its jz a bullshit....
and like right now....i really shuld be happy vit all my 4 best friends around me...
they are always here for me....and always are there to lend their ears....n advises from them...

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U GUYS DE!!!!!
~MANDY ~MAGGIE ~LENG ~YIKCHEN.... n oso counted "mama"....
muaxx .... x}

i am really sorry about it ... so sorry ....

to mandy n maggie .....
i noe u guys won't wana listen to what i say ....
and i also noe that although watever reason that i give....
u guys won't trust me anymore ....
and that day i really kena "kam" by him[dad] de ....
well ... it's not that i just giving stupid excuses....but it's reality....
i'm really really sorry for "ffk" u guys .... i noe that u guys really angry me...but i can't do anything...and yes ... on that day i was supposed to go on the first meeting de...i cannot be a leader @ all ... im so so so so sorry ....it's not i like to "ffk" de ...
but this all happen too sudden....i guess u guys also will get fed up vit my this attitude ..."ffk"..
i just wana say sorry ... i noe sorry got no cure .... because i've made u guys angry lek....hmmmph..
im so so so so so so so so so so sorry for "ffk" u all ....
so so so so so so so so so sorry ...... =C
i really hope u guys vil forgive me of what i've done.......
im sssssssssooooooooooo ssssssssssssssooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy~!~! ...
really sorry for it .... im sorry....

regrets of being in relationship vit him

sometimes feel like missing someone ..

sometimes feel like wana cry out loud..

i jz wana noe de truth ...

does he really love me ..?!

but it has proven for these days ..that he is not!!!

when v are on it.. everyday every nite he vil leave me a msg ...

jz to ask whether have "u eaten .. gudnite..sweet dreams .. i love u "..

but in the end all this words that came out from him is jz a bullshit!!

but in a sudden .. he had left me vit a breaking 'glass'..n saying im always acting like a kid ..

when i was in painness..he seems dun care at all...

n kept talking to his friends ..playing games ..

guess now im wrong..choosing him...tot of him being "the one"

n tot he is the one for me ..

but it jz that i've realise he is not..a true love doesn't exist now ..

it vil come when it is ur real time ..

n for that ..true happiness vil always be vit u ...

no matter what .... i'll still be happy although im not vit u anymore ..

f*** it .. asshole .. heartless ...

feeling hopeless...

well ... jz recently open a new blog here ...
haiz ...i noe dat my english is sux and it also sound stupid ...
but jz... grr ... nvm ....

forget about it .. for these few years i've been suffering from my dam sickness ..
but .. i dun think they [not my best frens] vil give a dam ...

i jz feel that im hopeless .. lifeless ..
every time when i get in a relationship ...
i'll surely get hurted ..well most of the time...
its jz dat its felt so stupid to think all of those now ..
f**k it ... im dam ******* ....


but ... when im in problem, ill surely ask mandy for help ...
n so do my other best friends .. they are always there for me ..
although its sound stupid .. but .......
for now .. im jz being an asshole ... dam retarded ....
and i always cry like a crying baby...