Question that keeps haunting me!

Wished it never happened before,

Trying to remember the times we been thru,but when it start to fall apart, trying so hard to forget it without hurting myself.

Each day and each time, wound of mine gets bigger and bigger whenever DJ puts on the track which reminded me of him.

I tried all their advice and still, it got me nowhere. That's because there's something beneath the surface that, if you don't know about it, you won't keep a man's interest, no matter how you look. Whether your fair-looking or dark-skinned, it just won't work anyways. So, why still bothers? 

For most everyone, love fails miserably because they've been using "WORN-OUT" methods of creating and developing a relationship. 

Questions :: 

What if there were a few simple secrets that would reveal the real truth about men? Is there? 

And what if not knowing those secrets is what that has kept you away from enjoying the love that you desire?

Do you know what it takes to create an amazing relationship... to get a man to fall crazy-in-love with you... to get him to love you as much as you love him?

What if there was a way for your love life to start making you happy instead of being the source of so much frustration and hurt?

Answers :: (Not exactly)

If you've ever wondered what the single most important skill is for creating a deeply loving, passionate relationship is, I would tell you, without a doubt – it's the ability to use the power you already have, as a woman, over any man you want to influence.

That's because the single most important ingredient of any successful relationship is... the power that is hidden within you right now.

Reb  sign out.

THE WHATS AND WHY'S?

Do I look thin?

Do I look hot?

Am I matured enough?

Am I pretty?

Am I a virgin?

Am I popular?

WADDAFUCK IS THIS!?

Am I gonna be like this forever?

What do I exactly get from what I learned these years?

Despite all advises that I get from my family, do I really understands what they'r telling me?

Why must I always listen and cares what people thinks?

Why do I always have to care how other people feels?

What is actually happening around me?

Im not asking for some "fairy-tale love story", I just want my normal single life back.

If only I could just make things right, but it always seems to be mess.

The guy that I love, i cherish, i cares,

Does he know that I still keep my feelings for him?

Even though that he never takes me as his, its okay its alright. because i only cares about what I think. Maybe he is just tryna be nice to me like what he did to all his girl-friends.

And what hurts the most is, I did try to tell him how I feels about him for all these years but does he really take it seriously? No comment. It starts with I like you. I miss your smile. And it hurts when he didn't really bother about what im doing. Because he is a playboy. He is just a type of guy that will only plays with my feelings.

AND,

ONCE A PLAYBOY, ALWAYS A PLAYBOY!

BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER TRULLY UNDERSTANDS HOW PPL FEEL!

FUCK YOU JERK!

A kiss is not a kiss if it's not returned! You know what to do! Kiss Me Back... I meant it!

How amazing to think that if he is the one who feel the love today then sent it back to his lover, and you knew that before the days end, it's possible that everyone on world could feel the love that we had!

So I was thinking why not lets finish the week off in a really great way by spending some time together and share the lonely night together under a shade and share the romantic nights by hugging each other!

If my lips claimed yours,

would you kiss me back?

If I laid my cheek upon your chest,

would you wrap your arms around me?

If I told you that I need you,

would you hear my words?

If I told you that I love you,

would you say you love me too?

If I asked you if you want me,

would you whisper

something touching,

something urgent,

something hot and passionate?

Or would you answer me with a kiss?

If my lips claimed yours,

would you kiss me back?

p/s:: Honey, i really need to talk to you.

But i don't get what is that you want from me actually?

It's been days since we talk.

I'm really sorry for what I've done but i do really want you back in my life

at least for once again.



Push it baby. Push it baby Out of Control

Just the way you are my new love <3

Morning sunshines.

Well, just a short one.

-sigh- I been awake since the sleepless nights and still awaits for his call since yesterday. I was expected an happy call from him, but in the end he didn't even do it. I waited till 1am. . . .2am. . .3am. . .but stills no calls.  I wondered what is he doing at the time, he should have left me any message even if he is too busy or something like that, right? yes. -down- The last night that we talk is only last for an hour ni, -sigh- And, he did told me that he got something to do, and I was like "umm, okay". -swt- Ah well, anyways, just got my lovely present from my jie (annie), a dress! Thank you jie! I love it so darn muchie. x)

I have been thinking lately, why am i always be the one who hurted alot? i certainly have no idea Maybe im just the type that easily fall for in to.

Why not just try to start a new life in case of stuck being in the old? It's a brand new year aite! So what am i looking forward to in 2010? (boh idea!! >.<")

Don't say you love me if that's not what you meant,

Don't say you cares about what or who i am,

Don't say your hurt because of me,

Don't say your sorry if your just a fake,

Don't ever act like a kid infront of me,

Don't ever say your sorry for what you have done to me,

Don't say that im your one and only, for the only reasons which not at all.

Take note everytime the grandfather clock chimes

for you can never turn back time

always try to reach for books on the shelf

for its the only way to improve yourself

I might be lost and fading today

after what been brought from yesterday

but someday i'll find my own way out

i might have lotsa friends when i'm happy

but i will only see the true ones when i cry

Take life one day at a time

for only then maybe i will shine

telling myself that my dreams and hope are as sweet as wine

and someday i'll make 'em mine

Never give up on hope

for there's always a someone will help you cope

although i might not have anything left to gain

but i could always start all over again.

anyways, gotta continue my pfft work.GAH!

Reb is signing out.

xoxo all.

p/s:: Melissa Beh, don't always so emo.

Think straight ahead, try to leave your past behind.

Try to live happily if you can.

Trust me once you can do it, you'll be set free and live up! xoxo.

The World Behind My Wall

Hello once again.

I apologise to those who awaits for my new updates here. Yes, i'd admit that since i've worked in a crazy lawyer firm, i've seriously freaking busy and also almost neglect my babyblog. Sorry to my boyfie, that i couldn't take any free time just to be with you. Well, i'll try to make it up on that. But before that, this post are only meant for type of ppl like me. -sigh-

you know.. just when i open myself up completely, in here.

i could almost lose everything, even faith and just trembles and just shed tears like a small kid.

i cant seem to trust anyone or anything nowadays. And I cant tell why?

I could just try to fake a smile even tho I try to smile.

how many lies, promises and illusions must i wade through?

im getting sick, tired and fcuked up.

every day and night.

i missed everything. everything that i love.

but im just another yesterday. And every single day is always a brand new day.

its for me to know, and for you to find out..

im no longer lonely but i feel incomplete.

or maybe i am, but i just wont admit.

the pieces has stopped breaking but the hurt sure has not.

this piece of heart is empty but its all that i have got.

this bed feels so empty, so big and so cold. just when your not around.

the feeling of loss and of grief that wont fade away.

i try to keep busy but I couldn’t just forget.

its not that i dont miss you or don’t love you, you know that i do.

but im telling you its the pride which stands in the way between me and you.

Its been lately, You have treated me like crazy from the beginning of this relationship. And that moment too i worked so hard all the time for you. where is your trust? where is the real you or your just not being yourself when your with me just because we'r only the so-called bf/gf in the cellphone? you always complaining your sad, your hope and kept on sigh as if like im the one who is giving you a damn heavy burden. so what if i made a few mistakes here and there? you could just come and talk to me right. I don't mind. everyone makes mistakes. no one is the “perfect” typo. does it justify the ways you torture me? The sleepless and tiring nights i spent awake just trying to understand everything that you wanted me to? the last minute adjustments and commitments that i always had to make just to please you? you have always been an **** to me . so its up to you whether you believe me when I say im glad to say good riddance.

If only you realise for just a day, I’ve been spending the rest of my life, looking for someone like you. I remember how we met, by taking my cell number just to make a call and yes, you did. And by that time too, "You came into my life and i thought hey, you know, this could be something cause everything you do and words you say" but there is so much time to figure out the rest of my life. Im saying all this doesn't mean that I wanna hurt your or whosoever feelings k. Alright, let's just say, Im might be a bullshitter, but i've definitely, not probably changed A LOT! I've already sacrifise and fall for the wrong one once and I promised myself that by that day onwards i will change and will never ever be in a relationships again. But, look what happen now? its crazy. My ex? -sigh-.. sometimes just look at a glance of eyes on him, it makes me feel nuts. but, what happen is i've lied to him and yeah, i've bullshitted too. I regret of what i've done in the past. More or less, saying sorry wasn't just a enough for him to forgive and forget. -sigh- maybe that's what i deserve for. Falling into a wrong one? yea. Deeply inside of me, i've been a physically-emotional at all times. I repeat! AT ALL TIMES. =) but after when that happens, thankfully there's a best friend of mine told me what to do and repent all my mistakes and the do's. She always giving advises to us, like i said she is my counsellor.. hmm..overall, i cried. So, for now maybe i just follows what her hearts tell her. And hopefully, one day, the real happiness is there awaits me. Anyhoo, Babyblog is still in progress at the moment ...

Till then. xoxo.

p/s : Readers, if you feels anything or wanna ask,

do leave message. Don't hesitate to show yourself.

Take care.

Reb signing out.

What's on my mind?

Stuck in a driven roller-coaster life, Can't seem to get out of this ride.

What do I have to say when the life itself full of DRAMA. Life just filled with movies. I could just only bear it on my own. For some reasons, certain unexpected matters could just popped out all in sudden.

Well, this year has been a HECTIC year for me EVER and it doesn't stops from giving me troubles. Feels sucks when the whole year just have to work hard to get pay up.. -sigh-

Dude, I'm 18 years old now. College life? Idk. Working? Definitely stress out. Before I got stucked myself in this lawyer thingy, I really didn't realise that the work itself could even bring me troubles. Salary? Nuts. Well, at least in my bank account, I have almost $$20,000.00$$ savings. Cool? No! Rich? Perhaps.

In fact, since the day I satrted working, there's always here lawyer issue, there lawyer issue everywhere!! Boriingg .... But somehow, it's kinda interesting too.

Well, not tryna exaggerating here. In the end, whatever I do, It will be for the benefit of all including myself.

Anyways, laziness is back on track!

Reb is signing Out!

Push It Overload!!

Something just ain't right, was it something wrong with me or was it about others? My work, my personal life, my family, my future? Sometimes I just don't seem to realise what I've done. Seriously, am been facing a truckloads of problem. Firstly, dad is having argument (almost every single hours) then came along my personal affairs that regards meeting problem. Lastly, my problem in working.

Everyting seems to goes wrong and wrong and wrong ....

Each time, as the day goes by, I've been thinking what would my life be when I'm in 20s?

Will I still be working 24/7 365 in the lawyer firm?

Or am I still be me after everything changes?

Tons and tons of question that unanswerable!! Gah! Helpp!!

I merely believe that our background and some other "non-existent" circumstances may have influenced who we are, what we do but we are the one who responsible for who we becoming to. Now, a variety of circumstances concurred to bring about the dreadful scene through which I was that night to pass. I mean, basically, what Im saying here is that It does takes a long time to become the person I want to be and they can't just simply just expected me to be the one that they hoping for. Well, I could not exactly bring myself to tell you the reason why, and I somehow put it off from day to day, although my life was, during every hour of this procrastination, rendered as miserable as that day of a ***** with the constables on **** track. I was growing absolutely ill from this wretched mode of life. No matter what it is waiting there for me, I still gotta head held up and keep on walking.

:: For my boyf ::

Its just because you think that I don't understand you the way you want me to, but it doesn't mean that I don't love you at all. You know I do. Your my precious thing in my life. I've been waiting for the right one to come and get me but in the end in an unexpected condition, you sudden came into my life and everything starting to change. Truth is, I am happy when your around me, love the way you kiss me, love the way you hugged me, love the way you love me and so on... But sometimes, having problem in life itself doesn't really have to share, I mean not most of the problems. But if you still cares about me, you shouldn't be so worry about it. Im fine, Im always okay when Im with you. I always try to snatch time just to be with you, I appreciate all of my times spending with you. Just You. I do understands you well, but sometimes even when your sad, I also can feel it. All I can say is that, just be yourself when your with me. =) I want you to remember that my heart always sticks with the one she knows and the one she love the most.

Gravity - Pixie Lott

Merciful heaven !! At last I've made up my mind to put on record of what I've been through ! But shall I ever be able to do it? Shall I have the courage? I don't know. It's all seems so packed full with mysterious, so inexplicable, so unintelligible, so crazy and felt so numb! =(

If I were not sure of what I've seen, certain that there has been no flaws in my reasoning, no mistakes in my facts, no gap in the strict sequence of my observations, perhaps I should consider myself merely the victim of a hallucination? the sport of some strange optical delusion.

After all, who knows what or how all these could happen? Perhaps not many knows my story and now I'm putting it on blog, I really don't quite know why. And I don't know why. Maybe just in order to shake off the obsession, which really haunts me like some ghostly horror terryfying nightmare.

Anyhoo, I have always been a lonely child, stubborn matured-looking lil girl. In fact, I have always lived alone, maybe because of a some sort of uneasiness, which makes me feel that the presence of others sets up in me. But with this exception, it had nothing modern about it. How can I ever explain it? I just can't.

missess his constant loyalty and

caring through all difficult times

Apparently, these days I've been kinda happy and appreciated with what I got.
> Him
> Parents (maybe kinda lil "ma fan")
> Workplace etc . . .

Well, other than that my life is alike this song, (almost looks alike).
Do enjoy the journey that cycling around my time. =)

Secrets - One Republic (Lyrics)

I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kind of boring

Need something that I can confess

Till all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink

no, I've been on the brink

so,

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that'll like those ears

Sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my Secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics never jump in line

I'm gonna give all my Secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far

It's like we're all those stars

Who drive the shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news

All the problems we could solve

And when a situation rises

Just write it into an album

Send it straight to gold

I don't really like my flow

Oh, so,

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that'll like those ears

Sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my Secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics never jump in line

I'm gonna give all my Secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics never jump in line

I'm gonna give all my Secrets away

Got no reason

Got no shame

Got no family

I can blame

Just don't let me dissapear

Imma tell you everything

All My Secrets Away

. . . .

Perhaps I could just choose to be silent at all times or just speaks out for myself. Anyways, kinda tired for now. Maybe will update CNY. Hope so. Stay tuned for something new.

Chinese New Year peeps! Enjoy! x)

In My head, i see you all around me.. =)

xoxo Reb.

Am look like this when down or emo-ing bout hardtime-life. Geez!! Was damn blady crazy and not having any good proper nice thoughts about what and why had recently happens and just bla bla bla .. .. ... (p/s: sorry) well, was trying to say that am i damn easy to be fool as if in feelings till i could get this heavily sick (fever etc.?)? or should i say damn clever to make a fool by myself and just let other guy take advantage at me when im sick? basically i don't even know who am i anymore or even try to be myself neither in or out these days. Don't know what to do, what to say or what to eat either, for now is like hiding in a small hole from being exposed in outside world. I can't seem to think properly or clearly these days, all i can say is that im lost, yes, totally lost. (p/s: maybe some ppl who thinks this fake, wtv la!) -sigh- ... ...  

Shut It Down - PitBull ft. Akon

Hello sweetheart and hello to my brand new year !!

2010

Well, what can I say? There's left one day to go before my 18th birthday. Actually, I feel kinda lil sad and moody nowadays, I'm not sure myself why at every times I feel like this. Hey! OmG! BIG day is coming soon. Yet, she feels so bad. No one could tell why is she acting so strangely nowadays. Not even her closest family member, neither mum or sis. I guess this is what her LIFE suppose to be huh?, were only meant for her, the pathetic lifeless freak.. Ah well, today is the worst day.Of cause ler.. you see. Sometimes I don't really realise what I'm babbling about in here. But! in the mean time, I do know what I'm talking about and I've tried to express it all out in here by straight to the point. Frankly, I might not be a good blogger-writer, but at least I know that I could always try and keep on practising my language here too. Wait! Am I exaggerating? =.=" Oh Damn Jesus Christ's sake! I'm in tears, feeling hurt, sad, breaking down and tearing aparts every time I look at my dad's leg and wondered how would my family end up like? I can't handle all this by my own. I'm not strong enough to help him take care all. I just can't. I hate being like this, but what else can I do? To whom I would complain to? If I tell this to anyone, all I can say is that no one will ever believe what I say, neither do my boyfie? Would he believe all this crap? What about BFF's? Would they believe every single words I say? Would anyone listens? I don't think so. ='(

Besides that, no one could believe that this the path of journey that I've take in my life. No one could understands this meaningless human's feeling. Not even her own sister could understand why is her sister acting like strangely and feels depressed at all times, even her stepmum or her biomum could ever understands how she feels. To them, they could only just say they sayang me, but truthly to be frank, I don't feel any single love in them for me. This is just sucks. Right? I feel so lifeless. Maybe I think too much, or maybe been working tensely at firm recently and got myself crazy like hell. I don't wanna know. ='( Neither do my boyfie really loves me? I'm not sure whether I should doubt it or not. I'm confused with my own feelings either. But what can I do? I should be grateful to have a guy who loves me like this. His not like any other guy or maybe I'm wrong? He cares, he shares. =) I love him maybe cause that's mainly the type of guy that I've been waiting for. (I guess). But frankly, would he truly understands that this all is happening to his girlfriend? I'm sorry, but no comment on this. All of a sudden, I felt suffocated in breathing. Days and days passed, I still felt horrible, deeply sad and in pain. If only I could wish on my 18th birthday and just wish that none of all this crap would just vanish from my life itself and always appear happiness in my life so that everyone that I love would be happy as always and there will be no crying in sadness or angry in angerness, just a peacefull harmony. If Only, if only.

Till then.

Stay tuned. xoxo.

p/s :: I want to be happy on my birthday!!

Might going for a Karaoke @ MOS tonight.

Reb signing out.